All right, everybody chill for a minute because I have some VERY important shit to relate to you about a planet that’s near and dear to our planet. Venus. Heard of it, right? This is a joint that astronomer-types normally … Continue reading
Category Archives: The More You Know
ALL CAPS DAY.
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IT’S ALL CAPS DAY, YOU DUMB SHITS.
I
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I recently received some criticism that there’s just not enough ME around here. Well, that’s not entirely true, I was actually accused of being the captain of a ship that is sailing the poisoned waters of solipsism. As is evidenced … Continue reading
Stuff Reconsidered
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Nowadays it’s used mostly for penis enhancement. Continue reading
This is the Worst it’s Ever Been: for Sugarfly McQueen
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[I found out recently that my friend and fellow Boater really loves pants-pooping stories. Here's mine.] I found this bottle of pills under a booth in the restaurant. I emptied it out on the bar and inspected its contents with … Continue reading
Carlos, Q & AT-AT
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Since I began writing this column for Sink the Boat, I have been inundated with questions from new friends. I thank you for your questions, though many of them are not about politics, my area of expertise here. Some of … Continue reading
If You Have Moobs a V-Neck Sweater is Not the Look For You
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Just saying.
Common Courtesy
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Hey! Look at that person! Do you know that person? It doesn’t matter. Are they gaining weight? Going bald? Going gray? Sweaty? Point it out to them! RIGHT AWAY, THEY ARE PROBABLY UNAWARE! Look! Another person! Is their hair shorter … Continue reading
Where Is My Goddamn Phone? A Statistical Analysis
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There you are on the train platform, waiting to be whisked away from the dreary wasteland that was your just-completed workday to the comforts of your humble abode. Or to a bar. Whichever. Suddenly, your purse shudders in orgasmic delight, … Continue reading
You should not use two spaces after a period. Ever.
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So, you hit the spacebar after a long day at Spacely Space Sprockets before you inevitably get home and get on a crazy thing before Jane finally gets you off it. Or, you hit the spacebar twice after a period. In … Continue reading
