You know, sometimes I feel like the girl from Adventures In Babysitting and myself are the only ones who really appreciate Thor. We’re now a couple of weeks into the Avengers craze, and although the general fan consensus is that the entire movie kicked 57 varieties of ass, opinion is divided as to which Avenger is the “best”. The Hulk has a lot of fans. So does Captain America. Hawkeye and Black Widow are a little more obscure, but they’ve been growing in popularity since their small appearances in Thor and Iron Man 2, respectively. And EVERYONE likes Iron Man. He’s a snarky dick but you sort of love that about him.
But I don’t see too many people openly admitting to being Thor fans. In fact, when I went to see The Avengers, there was a distinct note of schadenfreude to the exclamations of the stoked fanboys around me every time Thor got his ass kicked one way or another (and this is a movie where pretty much everybody gets their ass kicked, a lot). My own father, when I was talking about the movie with him a couple of days later, even said to me, “So, you like that pretty boy Thor, do ya?” Why yes, Dad. I DO like that pretty boy Thor. And here’s why:
Thor Has Awesome Superpowers: I like Thor for the same reason that I like Storm from the X-Men: they can control the weather. I’m a hardcore weather nerd and I gotta say, if I could pick a superpower, the ability to conjure lightning bolts and to smite shit with them would be a strong contender. Nikola Tesla came closer than probably any other real-life person to actually having this power, and most people think he’s awesome because of it.
“Direct Current”, you say? Direct THIS, “Alva”.
And I’m not gonna lie, I would abuse the hell out of my lightning power. All day, every day. It’d be like, asshole tailgating me on the interstate? SNAP. Bill Donohue? CRACKLE. Creepy old guy in the bar who’s constantly trying to pick up women a third his age? POP. In addition to being the GOD OF MOTHERFUCKING THUNDER, Thor can also use his mighty hammer, Mjölnir, to crush various banes of his existence and also to fly if he twirls it around fast enough.
Oh, and it comes to him when he summons it, which is more than I can say about my damn keys.
Thor Is A Gentleman: Now, I’m not saying the dude is perfect. He gets into plenty of scrapes due to some dumb macho demi-god thing he’s working out, and his dad puts him in time-out on Midgard because of it. But underneath all of that flexing, he’s basically a good guy. He reverentially addresses Agent Coulson as “Son of Coul”. He carries the sloshed, incapacitated Dr. Selvig all the way home after they have a bender. And he’s a total sweetheart to Jane. He never even brings up the fact that she hit him twice with her car. And when they part ways for the last time and have their “now or never” kiss, Thor goes in the for the polite peck on the hand first, just to make sure everything’s cool.
What a mensch.
Thor Has…Well, Just Look At This Picture:
“Hark, milady! I possess thy pass of admittance to the firearms exhibition! Which is to say, behold my tremendously sexy arms. Even the Son of Coul is impressed.”
Thor’s Fanbase Is Over 1,000 Years Old: It’s pretty hard to say that you were into Thor before he was mainstream, since he’s been around long enough for the Vikings to have worshiped him (the old Norse warrior dudes, not the shitty football team in Minnesota). And with good reason: he’s a pretty awesome god, as far as the Norse pantheon goes. I mean, compare him to, say, Balder. What is Balder the god of? “Being pretty”, apparently, ’cause that’s all that the other gods talk about when they talk about him. Balder’s beauty, Balder’s good looks, Balder’s handsomeness, and so on and so forth, like he’s a fucking Fabergé egg or something. Oh, and you know what finally kills Balder? Mistletoe. I’m serious. Meanwhile Thor’s all, “Hey folks, I’m gonna go conjure up some lightning and crush some shit with my awesome hammer, which by the way is capable of leveling whole mountains. When you guys are done crying over Balder’s scrawny ass, maybe we can go thump some jötunn together.” You can guess why everyone was going around wearing Mjölnir pendants instead of, I dunno, mistletoe pendants back in the day. I still don’t know why the trend never really caught on over here, though. Maybe it’s a case of Thor just being more popular overseas than in the States, like Nena.
She Of The 99 Luftballons.
Thor Is The Only Avenger Who Has A Day Of The Week Named After Him: “Thursday”, you’ve heard of it, right? The word comes to us from the Old Norse term meaning “Thor’s Day”. Pretty neat. Not even Nick Fury has a day named after him, even though experts agree that he is a Bad Mother Fucker.
If they wanted to re-name “Saturday” as “Badmotherfuckersday”, I would not have a problem with that, personally.
Loki Really IS An Asshole: The original Thor movie made a crapload of money, so I’m assuming that one or two people out there besides me must have seen it. But the fan-worship of this movie seems to be mostly centered around Loki. Yes, they argued, he may be a villain, but he’s too complex and tragic and sympathetic to totally root against, why couldn’t the movie have been about HIM instead of about Thor, etc. Plus, Tom Hiddleston is sex on a stick. Well folks, I have some unfortunate news on the Loki front: he [OMG SPOILER] really IS a thoroughly evil guy, as it turns out. I don’t know if any of you saw The Avengers, but Loki does some pretty diabolical shit in that movie. He murders people, mind-controls people, cruelly taunts people, stabs at least one person in the eye, and even threatens to kill a defenseless elderly man as a show of his power. What a douche. He also monologues all the damn time. Tom Hiddleston is still hot, I suppose, but Loki is bad news. Have at him if you want, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. You are gonna hate yourself in the morning.