Nipples. “Nips” to their intimates. Everyone loves them.

Or, at least, has them.

They’re great, right? And pretty too. Unlike earlobes or nostrils, which are disgusting to behold and can’t look worse. That was a lie. But they can’t look better, so might as well make them shinier. Shiny? Yes, this can be done with metal. Piercing hot metal stabbed right through them.

But not nipples. Nope. Different beast entirely. Like I said, they’re already pretty fun to look at. And pretty fun to play with. But… can they be improved upon? …With metal?

No, dummy. What’d you think I was gonna say, “Yes”‽ Have you been paying any attention‽

What are the Prose and Khans of piercing both nipples?

1. Is symmetry the spurring desideratum?

Probably not. I doubt that’s such a concern among the multi-pierced. How many people with industrials have you seen on both ears? The exact same angle/bar? Nostrils and eyebrows being equally pierced is the exception, not the rule. And the twin-nose piercings I’ve seen have usually been one ring / one stud, so, yeah, not symmetry.

2. Duh, I’m stupid. I’m not with it. Piercings are just about making a statement.

But… you’re making no more of a statement about some individualized form of expression via body piercing by piercing both breasts. Or are you?

No.

3. Turn-on for the viewer / experiencer / nibbler?

Sure, that’s a thing. Not necessarily for me, but I’ve heard anecdotal evidence from men and women of multiple collective persuasions that it’s “hot”. Sure, while it’s not for me*, I’ll accept it as hot… but, is two better than one?

*The only time in my life I’ve ever been more turned on by nipple piercings (than just nipples, or titties in general) was when I started work at a new place and there was one girl whom I had an instant animal attraction to. I had a girlfriend at the time, but you know those rare moments in life when you meet someone and just know there would be amazing sexual chemistry if only it were to happen? Literally within the first hour of meeting she came up to me and put her hand in my apron to get out a pad, without saying anything. That was fucking hot. And if she was behind me she’d pull my apron string to make it come undone. We’d known each other two hours. It was pure, it was hot, it was sexy. At the end of my first shift we were talking (and our uniform is a white button down shirt) and I noticed she had pierced nipples. Or, very weird wiring on her bra. I was incredibly turn on my this fact. Not by the generic and common “Oh, a nipple ring (/slash/ tongue ring)! She must be a whore/freak!” sentiment. Hell, it could just have gotten cold and I could notice them through her shirt, it was just the mere fact that they were there and I was able to think about them. (Consciously. While I mentioned how I found her incredibly hot, and was immediately thinking of sex everytime she was near, I hadn’t thought per se about her nipples in particular before then.) So concludes the one time, that I was ever turned on by nipple rings.

No. Again, how is two more hot than one? If you’re into the pierced nipple, go for it! It’s there. Get apical with it! (The tip of the tongue is called its apex. The adjective is apical. I haven’t used this word since undergrad. Seemed like a good time.) But, as an unapologetic member of Team Natural Titty, I have to ask why not leave one alone? Huh? You get all of whatever type of sensation, reaction, and statement you want from one. And your nipple-loving partner can choose for him or herself which type of nipple they can play with at different times in different ways.

I guess I didn’t even bother defending my position about natural nips, but begged the question. But seriously, who doesn’t love noticing the change in sensation as a nipple hardens (I refuse to say any form of “erect” here)? It’s a great physical barometer for lovers of women to know how we’re doing which is muffled considerably with a piercing. Nope, not for me.

Ed.’s note: Yes, I’m using “nipple” as shorthand for the whole Areola-Industrial Complex. Get used to it. Or, don’t. The article is over.

Or, wait, also, really, a belly-button ring? Still? Is it 1997? Or are you 15? Or both? “Both” is the only acceptable response.